


Unforgiven

by Taim



Category: Fandomstuck - Fandom
Genre: Character Death, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-25 21:57:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7548634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taim/pseuds/Taim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He didn't know that the breaks had stopped working. You knew. You handed him the helmet. You asked him to say he loved you. You didn't get to say it back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unforgiven

“Nat…?”

Your head snaps up at the call. You recognize that voice…

“Heta??”

“Nat!”

“Heta!”

He’s suddenly there, close enough for you to hug. You immediately open your arms, about to scoop him into a massive hug when something in his eyes stops you.

His eyes are darker. That’s the first thing you notice. It’s a common thing from what you’ve learned lately. In the weeks since the accident… well, the other dead had been helpful enough while you adjusted to the afterlife.

As soon as you felt him leave his world and enter this one, you had been back at the ‘gate,’ as the spirits called it. It was little more than a clear space, grass that felt fake below your feet and a soft light all around. Nothing else anywhere but green and grey. It was like existing in a constant fog.

He’s going through shock. You can see it in his face. He doesn’t realize -or doesn’t want to accept it, which you don’t blame him for- where he’s at yet. Or at least you think that’s it.

Suddenly his expression twists and you take a step back. He looks… furious. Murderous. There was no other word for it. You don’t even see his hand move and suddenly your head snaps to the side, the force of his slap making your ears ring.

“What the-” He slaps you again when you try to straighten enough to look at him and you keep your head down this time.

“You left me!!”

“Heta-”

“You. Left. Me.”

“H-”

“You left me there and you knew we were crashing! You gave me that helmet because you knew!”

You look up and you can feel parts of your heart breaking. He doesn’t look sorry or angry anymore. He looks… hurt. He looks like he’s just been betrayed by…

By the one he loved most. You almost wish he would slap you again. It would hurt less than seeing that in his eyes.

“I laid in that hospital for a week waiting for you! They kept telling me you were coming! They said- they said-”

You don’t move.

“I was in a coma for three days, Nat. I woke up and they said you were sleeping. I waited. I waited for weeks.”

“I couldn’t let you die-”

“So you’d die instead?? You’d leave me to face everything without you??”

“You got to live-”

“No, I didn’t, Nat! I laid there waiting and had to find out myself that you were gone! I dra-” His voice wavers. “I dragged myself out of that bed and down the hall… I looked for you. I looked for you all n- night…” His voice breaks and something inside of you crumbles.

“Heta…” He looks at you and you nearly fall apart. There’s tears on his cheeks. “I’m sorry…”

“…” He just stares and something feels so familiar.

“I’m sorry!”

No, no wait- Wait, you’ve done this before- You’ve seen this- You have to tell him-

“I’m sorry!”

“No, you’re not.”

The words burn in your chest. You are, surely he could see that. The next words tear out of you without a thought. “Heta, I love you!”

“No- No, you don’t-!!”

“I swear-” You’re not in control anymore, the words coming out even though you’re not saying them. This is- this is a dream-

“No you don’t or you’d stay here with me!!”

\- - -

You wake up in a cold sweat, a scream on the edge of your tongue. No no no nO NO NO NO NO HETA–

You’re on your hands and knees and scrambling to stand before you even realize you’ve fallen out of the bed. The floor is cold but not near as cold as your chest.

The words are pulsing in your head again, repeating themselves to you in the voices of your friends. Sherlock telling you the facts in his blunt way, the Doctor trying to quiet him and you demanding to hear all of it. Homestuck sitting in silence in Hetalia’s room, finally looking at you and murmuring that he didn’t blame you. None of them blamed you. You wish they would.

The helmet was what killed him. They say there was something wrong with the make and it cracked. A shard of plastic went into his brain. He was brain dead for weeks before they finally took him off life support.

You lived. You lived because you weren’t wearing the helmet when it happened. You had taken it off and handed it to him. Told him to hug you and he did. Even said he loved you. You almost didn’t hear it over the sound of his body hitting the ground.

You didn’t get to say it back. And now he doesn’t believe you.   



End file.
